The evening was the grandest I can remember. First, dinner at a most beautiful restaurant where the strolling musicians played several songs at our table. Then to the theatre for a wonderful musical and after- ward to an intimate club that specialized in Jazz. In the wee hours of the morning we arrived home and again I was at my door and turned to thank Larry for the even- ing. As I turned he stepped forward and took me in his arms. I resisted at first but then relaxed and allow- ed him to kiss me good night. Since he was leaving town the next day I felt I would not be seeing him again so I played my part well. Carol was as excited as I when I told her of the evening and she hugged me in a girlish way when I told her of the kiss. My whole life at this time was like a dream, but the rude awak- ening came a few days later.

Bill called to tell us that the police had caught the real criminal and that they were no longer looking for me and I was free to go home. I felt terrible and actually sat down and cried. Carol tried to comfort me as she didn't want to lose Janet for a friend any more than I wanted to become Johnny again. That night Bill came over and seeing me still dressed as a girl suggested that that be my last night at Carol's. He further suggested I get a haircut in the morning and return home and he had called our mother to tell her the news and that I would return the next day. I felt crushed and sat up half the night with Carol alter- nately crying and threatening to pack some clothes and run away. But we both knew it was hopeless, and that I would have to return home.

The next day I donned my old clothes and hated them. They felt so uncomfortable and rough. I scrubbed all traces of makeup from my face and clip- ped my fingernails, which were trimmed and quite long. I washed the set out of my hair and brushed it back as best I could, but it still looked feminine. In fact Carol said I had better learn to walk as a boy and take longer steps. After a sad farewell to Carol, I went to a barber shop and after some kidding by the barbers I got my hair cut short and returned home.

My mother was glad to see me, would have nothing to do with me.

28.

but my father still I moped around